Rather than trying to convince potential guests that their hotel is the best and running the risk of disappointing those guests,the Hans Brinker Budget Hostel actively markets their facilities as the worst hotel in the world! Instead of bothering with advertising that tries to convince people that their rooms are clean, comfortable, luxurious and safe – the Hans Brinkler Budget Hotel’s policy consists in telling people ‘the truth’…
Posters and adverts depict shudder-inducing images of microscopic beasties, grotty linen, and cigarettes stubbed out on the carpets. The facility also claims to be “accidentally environmentally-friendly” due to the fact that basins double as showers, and guests can only have a “bird bath” (this basically involves splashing at various body parts with cold water) during their stay. Guests also have to use the stairs because – despite the elevator being broken – taking the stairs certainly does save electricity!
We won’t wash it
The Hans Brinker budget hotel has been helping the planet, unintentionally, since 1970,” states one advert, gleefully.
Leave the towel on the rack. We won’t wash it. Leave the towel on the floor. We still won’t wash it,” says another ad.
On the website, would-be guests are told that the best they can expect is “a concrete courtyard” and “doors that lock”. Their barely-appointed rooms also boasts thin mattresses, grotty paintwork, metal lockers and rooms lacking views or even windows, and the bathrooms would probably give ‘germophobes’ a heart attack!
Management warns that guests stay “at their own risk and will not hold the hotel liable for food poisoning, mental breakdowns, terminal illness, lost limbs, radiation poisoning, certain diseases associated with the 18th century, plague, etc.”
Dirt cheap … or just dirty?
It’s all true and guests don’t seem to mind… Obviously when you market yourself as the world’s worst hotel, you have a reputation to protect. It helps, also, that this hotel’s rates are dirt-cheap. It helps even further that guests have zero expectations about their stay. They’re not expecting luxury, comfort … or even hot water!
At the Hans Brinker Budget Hostel , you truly do get what you pay for. Luckily the hotel’s target market – backpackers – are willing to view their stay as an experience. Or, they’re just looking for somewhere dry to stash their backpacks while they party– and if they party hard enough, they might wake up too hungover to notice the bed bugs and cigarette burns on the rug…
You probably won’t get knifed in your sleep…
Most of the hotel’s 511 beds in 127 rooms are occupied these days, and even offpeak seasons sees the hotel at roughly 80% capacity. Reviews on the hotel from travellers have revealed that the hotel’s clever marketing campaign is certainly a roaring success:
I have actually stayed here for 5 days and it is perfectly fine, perfect if you’re on a tight budget. It was actually clean and perfectly liveable, as well as being very well situated. It’s not the worst hotel in the world; it does have one of the shrewdest publicity campaigns though. I was fully expecting to get knifed in my sleep by a giant weed-smoking dust mite that crawled up the shower-toilet-sink, so when I wasn’t, I was pleasantly surprised.”
In fact with all the publicity it’s been getting recently I’m sure it’ll soon be packed to the rafters with smug middle class Guardian reading hipsters who think they’re so cool, edgy, zeitgeist and ironic.”
So what do you think? Would you brave a stay at the world’s worst hotel?